Answers to God's Mysteries
By Cicily Sunny
(Continued)

Judas

Judas Iscariot was not chosen by Jesus as a disciple, but he came forward to become a disciple. His intention was not to believe in Jesus and follow his path, but to get a name being with a king and become famous. He did not like the humble ways of Jesus, and he always criticized Jesus for not being smart and for not fighting with his enemies. His presence was always a pain for Jesus. The person for whom Jesus suffered the most was Judas. 

Jesus tried his best to convert Judas and save his soul until the last minute. Jesus could not think of losing his soul after keeping him close for three years. Judas was from a rich family, and he always liked money and gold. Several times he stole from the money and gold received as donations. He was caught with prostitutes and for sexually abusing boys. He did not respect his mother at all, and he always gave her suffering. He cheated a poor girl whom he gave word to marry. He always wore expensive clothes and wanted to show his riches. Even after three years with Jesus he could not understand the meaning of the heavenly kingdom Jesus was talking about. 

Several times Jesus asked him to leave him and go away, but he wanted to cling on to Jesus for some kind of fame. Jesus knew that Judas was going to betray him and that the prophecy in the scriptures would be fulfilled. Jesus prayed for his repentance even after the betrayal so that his soul does not get damned. Even after the crucifixion Virgin Mary tried to bring repentance in him, but he was too much distorted mentally thinking of what he did and was not in the right mind to repent. He committed suicide as a sinner and his soul went to hell. As Jesus is the incarnation of God, Judas is the incarnation of devil.

In Volume 4, Chapter 440, Judas meets with the Blessed Virgin at Nazareth, and both have a long conversation. Mary tries her best to convert him and weeps while speaking. She says, "Many swords will be plunged into my heart, which will be pierced over and over again mercilessly by the men who grieve my Jesus and hate him. And one of the swords will be yours, and it will never be withdrawn because the memory of you, Judas, who do not want to be saved, who are ruining yourself, who are frightening me, not because I am afraid for myself, but for your soul, the memory of you will never be forgotten by my heart."

In Volume 3, Chapter 316, Jesus is found alone at the height of a place praying and doing penance, especially for Judas. He weeps for a long time and calls his far away mother with all his soul, "Mother! Mother! Mother of mine! My eternal sweetness! Oh! Mother, I wish you were near me! Why do I not always have you, the only comfort of God?" He says a long prayer and pleads to the Father for saving the soul of Judas, "I still love him. He is a man….He is one of those for whom I left You….Save him because of my humiliation….grant me to redeem him, Most High Lord! I offer this penance more for him than for anybody else….He has lived beside me, he has drunk in my words, has shared food with me, has slept on my chest….No, do not let him be my Satan….I am not asking You not to be betrayed….That must happen, and will happen…." 

In a private conversation with Judas, Jesus says, "Do not harm yourself, my dear Judas….I know that I have to suffer and die….But I would not like any of my followers to be lost. Oh! All men are dear to me because in them there is the image and likeness of my Father and the immortal souls that He created, but you, my loved and beloved ones, you, the blood of my blood and the apples of my eyes, must not be lost! Oh! No torture could be like that, not even if Satan, who is sin, horror, and disgust, should pierce me with his weapons burning with the sulphur of hell and he should bite and grasp me, no torture could make me suffer as much as I would for one of my chosen ones who should be lost….Judas, shall I ask my Father to let me suffer my dreadful passion three times so that two of them may be offered to save you alone? Tell me, my friend, and I will do that. I will ask Him to multiply my suffering infinitely for that purpose. I love you, Judas, I love you so much. And I would like to give you myself, to make you myself, and to save you from yourself." (V. 3, Ch. 387, P. 682). 

On another occasion, Jesus says to Judas, "Defeat Satan with the help of him who loves you. I am Jesus, Judas. I am the Jesus who cures diseases and expels demons. I am the Jesus who saves….and who loves you so much that he worries at seeing you so enfeebled. I am the Jesus who teaches to forgive seventy times seven. But I personally forgive you not seventy, but seven hundred, seven thousand times….and there is no fault, Judas, that I do not forgive….if the repentant culprit says to me: "Jesus, I have sinned"….And do you know which are the very first ones that I forgive? They are those committed against me." (V. 3, Ch. 404, P. 764). 

On another occasion, Jesus says to him, "I am not asking for anything else in this eve of my death….I ask you not to be damned….Think of your mother, Judas. Do not disgrace yourself, Judas. Consider: years and ages will go by, kingdoms and empires will fall, the stars will lose their brightness, the configuration of the earth will change, and you will always be Judas, as Cain is always Cain, if you persist in your sin." (V. 5, Ch. 573, P. 280). Several times Jesus embraces Judas and begs with tears to repent and save his soul, but he turns deaf ears.

Judas was always a headache for the other apostles because he interpreted everything with his worldly wisdom and caused arguments. Once Jesus whispered in his ears, "You disgust me! You do not see or perceive Satan because he is all one with you. Go away, you demon." (V. 3, Ch. 355, P. 458). When Jesus and his apostles visit Mary, the mother of Judas, she says, "Oh! Lord! I gave birth to a demon! No mother in Israel will be as grieved as I am....Although he lives in your atmosphere, he is lustful and a thief and he will perhaps become a homicide….His mind is deceitful….He lives in agitation….Make him die, Lord, out of pity! Make him die." (V. 3, Ch. 370, P. 570). 

In Volume 5, Chapter 584, Jesus pleads with Judas to turn away from his evil decision, but is in vain. Judas says, "Are you afraid at last? You realize at last that you are a man! You are a man, nothing more than a man because man only is afraid of death. God knows that he cannot die….Where is your lovely boldness? Go away! You are as bad as those whom you reproach as being hypocrites! You have enticed us and betrayed us. And we had left everything for your sake! And because of you, we are hated! You have brought about our ruin…." Jesus replies, "That is enough. Go! Go away! Not many hours have gone by since you said to me: "Help me to stay. Defend me!". I have done that…Tell me one thing more, and think about it before telling me. Is this your sincere will to go to your friends to prefer them to me?" Judas says, "Yes, it is. I do not have to think about because for a long time I have wanted nothing but that." Jesus replies, "Then go. God does not do violence to man's will." Jesus turns his back to him and walks away. 

Jesus reveals to Lazarus about the betrayal of Judas, "God took flesh in me, Jesus. Satan has taken flesh in him, Judas of Kerioth….I shall be possessed by my saints and they will be possessed by me. But only in Jesus Christ is God as He is in Heaven because I am the God who became flesh. One only is the divine incarnation. Likewise Satan, Lucifer, will be in one only as he is in his kingdom because Satan is incarnate only in the killer of the Son of God. While I am speaking to you here, he is before the Sanhedrin and is negotiating and pledging to have me killed. But it is not he, it is Satan." (V. 5, Ch. 585, P. 372). When the apostles asks Jesus why he chose a betrayer, Jesus replies, "Do not even ask who he is. He is not a man. He is Satan." (V. 5, Ch. 589, P. 514).

After his betrayal, Judas wanders like a mad man who is out of mind. While running blindly, he bumps against a stray dog and they both roll in the dust, the dog on top of him. When the animal leaves the prey, perhaps considered unworthy of a struggle, Judas is bleeding exactly where he kissed Jesus because of the dog bite. The blood makes him scared and reminds of the blood of Jesus. He looks like a beggar. He falls back and hurts the back of his head against a stone. He moans with pain and fear. He shouts, "Away!" and with both hands stretched out in front of him, he seems to be driving back a ghost that torments him. He sees Jesus' mantle left folded on the rock and gets courage from Satan to touch it. Then he gives the unending laughter of a mad man. Then he says, "You do not frighten me, Christ. I am no longer afraid. I was so much afraid of you because I thought that you were a God and a strong man. Now you no longer frighten me because you are no longer God. You are nothing. You have allowed yourself to be sold, pointed out, caught like a mouse in its hole….Satan is stronger than you. He defeated you! Ha! Ha! Ha!" (V.5, Ch. 601, P. 575). 

Then he sees stains of Jesus' blood all around and gets scared. He sees an ocean of blood around him. He runs and sees Jesus dragged to Pilate. He meets Jesus' eyes and exchange glances for a moment. When he sees Jesus passes by tied and beaten, he runs away bumping everybody around carelessly. He looks like a demon come out of hell. He throws the purse in Caiaphas' teeth and goes away howling, while the coins tinkle spreading out on the floor after striking his mouth and making it bleed.

For some relief Judas runs to the supper room and knocks at the door. The mistress of the house opens the door and seeing the man so agitated and altered beyond recognition, she utters a cry and tries to close the door again. But Judas opens it wide, knocking down the terrified woman. He finds himself in front of Mary, who is standing at the door of the room where Jesus left her. She looks as pale as if she had lost all her blood. Judas meets those eyes that look at him with the same sorrowful conscious knowledge with which Jesus looked at him in the street. Mary says, "Judas, what have you done? To so much love have you replied by betraying?" Mary calls him with a voice that should have converted a demon, "Judas! Judas! Stop! Stop! Listen! I am telling you in his name: repent, Judas. He forgives." Judas runs away. John says to him, "May you be cursed, you killer of the Son of God! The Master has been condemned. Rejoice, if you can. But get out of the way. I am going to get the Mother. Do not let her, the other victim of yours, meet you, you reptile." He wanders about the country and every time the wind brings to his ears the clamor made by the crowds who follow Jesus cursing him, he howls like a jackal. He has become hydrophobic because every time he sees a liquid, he shouts, "Blood". He chooses a suitable olive tree and hangs himself to death. 

After the vision, Jesus says to the author, "I solemnly tell you that, if Hell did not already exist and was not perfect in its torments, it would have been created even more dreadful and eternal for Judas, because of all sinners and damned souls, he is the most damned and the biggest sinner, and throughout eternity there will be no mitigation of his sentence….If he had only thrown himself at the feet of my mother saying: "Mercy", she, the merciful mother, would have picked him up as a wounded man, and on his satanic wounds, through which the enemy had imbued him with the crime, she would have shed her tears that save and she would have brought him to me, to the foot of the cross, holding him by the hand, so that Satan might not snatch him and the disciples might not strike him, she would have brought him so that my blood might fall first of all on him, the greatest of all sinners. And she would have been the admirable Priestess on her altar, between purity and guilt, because she is the Mother of virgins and saints, but she is also the Mother of sinners." After returning to the supper room, Mary says to John, "I will have to look also for him….because he is the biggest sinner….John you will look for him. And you will bring him to me. You must do that. And I must do that. Father, let also this be done for the redemption of mankind." (Ch. 607, P. 641). 

When Jesus appears on Mount Tabor, he says, "Judas has been and is the deepest sorrow in the sea of my sorrows. It is the sorrow that remains….The other sorrows have come to an end with the end of the sacrifice…I consumed myself in the effort to save him…I was able to open the doors of Limbo and bring out the just, I was able to open the doors of Purgatory, and bring out those who were being purified. But the place of horror was closed upon him. In vain I died for him." (Ch. 630, P. 833).

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