Of course we would like to have all of the Basic 3 firing on eight cylinders all the time. And of course they never will be. Even if we are lucky enough to connect on all these levels, they will always be in a state of flux. But, to me, the potential should be there for all three to thrive and grow. 

Now, this is not to say that there are not a myriad of other factors that make for a truly great relationship. Communication is a key element between spouses, lovers, friends, family. It transcends the Basic 3 as it should be part of each one of them. 

No relationship can exist harmoniously without trust and respect. But without the Basic 3 will most people be seeking those missing aspects elsewhere? How can they be fulfilled? Perhaps you have a loving, emotionally satisfying connection to your friends or family. Or connect intellectually at work in a way that eliminates the need for stimulating conversation at home. Maybe a physical relationship is not paramount and the emotional nurturing you receive transcends the need for passionate sex. It could be that what once brought you together has changed or developed into something deeper as time goes by.

This is what I am exploring. I decided that I would write a book that represents the voices of women and men across the country and how they feel about what is important in their relationships. I believe by sharing our stories we can gain a greater understanding of what we want and need in our relationships and spark discussions that can help us better know ourselves and each other.

I have read many relationship books, some aloud with my girlfriends as we hoped to gain wisdom, answers and the magic formula for happiness in love. In those pages we found many insightful words from psychologists who claimed to carry the secrets to loving well. We would applaud when something so perfectly illustrated one of our situations. Sometimes we’d cry as we found that our lives were lacking the magic that was depicted or read something that so completely related to the pain of a recent breakup. We put stock in the fact that these professionals had the answers. When in reality, it is all of us who hold the answers. They lie within our own stories of love and loss and the desire to merge our lives with another. In sharing these stories we can find comfort in knowing that there is no one way to love, no perfect way to be together and that we all struggle to find balance and joy with a partner.

I invite you to share your experiences and opinions. It is my hope that in participating in the writing of this book you discover new ways of looking at your closest relationships. As you answer the questions in The Relationship Basic 3 Survey, I hope that it helps you to define what it is that you need, what your partner needs and how you can better work together towards a satisfying life together. If you are seeking a partner, I hope this gives you an opportunity to reflect on your past relationships and see what you have learned from them as you look forward to something more satisfying. For all of us, I believe it is a chance to take a closer look at who we are and what we need to feel fulfilled as a couple.

In my research I have received many responses that have been candid, inspiring and thought-provoking. Already I see myths dispelled as men reveal emotional needs and women express intellectual dissatisfaction. There are couples who are experiencing a Basic 3 connection and have shared their wonderful stories. The common thread seems to be that communication, honesty and the commitment on both parts to make it work are universally important. In this book I hope we see ourselves in the stories of others and how we all relate in the elusive quest for Great Love.

You can participate in The Relationship Basic 3 Survey by visiting: relationshipbasic3.com