How to Help Your Loved One Die
by Eva Fry

My mother died on Oct 18th of last year. She died after a long bought with cancer. She was 86 years old.

Since her passing I have learned some things, which would have helped her, and our family, if we had known them ahead of time. I will share with you the things we have learned with hopes it will be of help to you when your loved one passes to the next life.

Don’t predict when they will die and get rid of their possessions.

My mother had a close call several years ago. She fell and had to leave her apartment and went to the hospital. The family thought her life was over, cleaned out her apartment and gave away her things. My mother didn’t die. She went to a care home and lived for 7 more years.

Her possessions meant a lot of her. She had a wonderful doll collection and never got over the fact that most of her dolls were gone and she always wanted them back. She asked for many things – Her tools, her sewing kit. She wanted her purse, which luckily wasn’t given away.

When they are forced to leave their home and go into a care home, they need to have it all explained to them before hand, because they can’t figure out what has happened to them and why they can’t go back. Bring as many of their special possessions as you can. Pictures are especially import to be put on their walls.

They need the right to choose what happens with their things. My grandmother, as she died of cancer, undetected by the family, got out of her bed and put notes on all her possessions, who was to get what, when she died. Our loved ones want the right to say what is done with their things.

My brother was wonderful to my mom. He lived closest to her and always let her know she was loved and cared for. He called her every morning and night and went to see her as often as possible. He would make her laugh and lay on her bed, beside her, and listen to her amazing stores, of things she was sure she saw, while under the influence of morphine and other drugs. He always let her know he believed her and understood. She lost a lot of her hearing and sight. He bought her a nice CD player that would continuously pay 3 separate CD’s. He brought her songs from her past, to listen to, as well as, soothing piano, and guitar music.

My sister and I lived far away and were grateful for our brother. We tried to do the best we could with phone calls and mailing her little things and pictures. We went to see her as often as we could and would often just sit with her and hold her hand. In the end I was so grateful to be holding her hand when she passed over. It is a difficult time but with some thought it can be more pleasant and your loved one will know they are loved.

In their final days, try be with your loved one. Sit with them and be there when they pass.

See Also:

No Hopeless Situations
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Trust in God!
It is easy to get discouraged when things are going bad. But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering.

It’s Never Too Late to Say I Love You
Men shared their joy in reconnecting with their estranged fathers. Since my dad was dead, I felt I’d blown my chance to tell him that I loved him. It would take an act of God, a miracle, to reconcile my father and me. And that’s exactly what it took.

© 2004 Eva Fry