Acceptance: The Answer to Your Relationships
By Rinatta Paries
"Accepting the thing you fear the most -- which is not having the thing you want the most -- often has a transformative quality."
Acceptance, as a spiritual concept and practice, may be a powerful answer to your relationships -- regardless of whether you are single or in a relationship. I have certainly found it to be a powerful tool for me and for my clients.
The type of acceptance I am referring to is not about giving up, nor is it about shutting down out of frustration and fear. I am referring to a more spiritual/religious type of acceptance, the kind you learn from meditation or prayer. This kind of acceptance has a component of peace. It is understanding that if the thing you want the most is not meant to be in your life, then there is something better, or something more purposeful, or perhaps something to learn.
If you can achieve this kind of acceptance, you will stop desperately wanting and terribly fearing, without being angry or sad about it. You will no longer take extreme steps to try and fix or improve your relationship situation. You will no longer put your life on hold until you have the perfect relationship. You will begin to concentrate on having the best life you possibly can, right now.
In the process of doing this, your relationship situation may change to become what you wanted in the first place. On the other hand, it may not -- but you may simply have a peaceful, satisfying life.
What am I really talking about here? Let me specifically address each state of singleness or commitment, and show you how the concept of acceptance may transform your relationships.
- Always Single
Ironically, if you want to stop being single, you need to fully accept that which you fear the most -- that you may always be single.
Accept it, but don't give up, give in, be angry, shut down, etc. Turn to your spiritual counselor, advisor, teacher, therapist, coach, etc., for help in learning acceptance.
- Casually Dating
Singles who are casually dating often have a fear they will never meet their Mr. or Ms. Right. If this is you, you need to accept that which you fear the most -- that you may never meet the right person and remain alone.
Again, you want to accept this with an open heart and mind, but don't give up, shut down, give in, get depressed, etc. Get help from a religious/spiritual leader or a coach or therapist.
- Seriously Dating
If you are in a serious relationship, you may fear that the relationship will end or never go anywhere. You need to accept that which you fear the most -- that your relationship may end, or it might get stuck at the same place you are now.
Accept this and you will become free to be yourself in the relationship because you will have faced your greatest fear.
- In a Long-Term Relationship in Trouble
If your relationship is going poorly and you are both struggling to breakup or stay together, your greatest fear may be that the relationship will end. You may be afraid of losing everything you have built together with your partner -- the life, the family, the lifestyle. This is what you need to accept. Face your fear that you may in fact lose everything and have to start over.
I know this is an almost impossible thing to accept. However, acceptance will bring you freedom and peace and the innate knowledge of what to do next.
- In a Long-Term Relationship Going Well
If you are in a relationship that is going well, your greatest fear may be that the happiness you feel now may not last. And this is what you need to accept -- that in fact the happiness may not and almost certainly will not last as your relationship and life continue to move forward.
Accepting this will allow you to take grater risks in your relationship and keep it from getting stagnant and predictable.
(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002
As a Master Certified professional relationship coach, Rinatta Paries works with hundreds of singles each month seeking her expertise in helping them find and attract loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships.
Her weekly ezine, "The Relationship Coach Newsletter," is filled with insightful, applicable and attainable relationship advice. Rinatta is a graduate of Coach
University and a member of the International Coach Federation, an independent coaching certification organization. For more information, visit www.WhatItTakes.com or email Coach@WhatItTakes.com