By L.H. Dalton
Is it realistic to believe that we can be fully connected ~ mind, body and spirit ~ to our
significant other? And if there is a basic connection missing in the beginning, can it develop
over time? What really makes people feel fulfilled in their relationships? These are
questions I have asked myself over and over.
I have come to believe that to be fully satisfied we need to connect on three basic levels:
Physical: Passion, attraction, sexual chemistry
Emotional: Love, intimacy, trust
Intellectual: Stimulating conversation, common interests
Of course we would like to have all of the Basic 3 firing on eight cylinders all the time. And
of course they never will be. Even if we are lucky enough to connect on all these levels, they
will always be in a state of flux. But, to me, the potential should be there for all three to
thrive and grow.
Now, this is not to say that there are not a myriad of other factors that
make for a truly great relationship. Communication is a key element between spouses, lovers,
friends, family. It transcends the Basic 3 as it should be part of each one of them.
relationship can exist harmoniously without trust and respect. But without the Basic 3 will
most people be seeking those missing aspects elsewhere? How can they be fulfilled? Perhaps
you have a loving, emotionally satisfying connection to your friends or family. Or connect
intellectually at work in a way that eliminates the need for stimulating conversation at home.
Maybe a physical relationship is not paramount and the emotional nurturing you receive
transcends the need for passionate sex. It could be that what once brought you together has
changed or developed into something deeper as time goes by.
This is what I am exploring. I decided that I would write a book that represents the voices of
women and men across the country and how they feel about what is important in their
relationships. I believe by sharing our stories we can gain a greater understanding of what we
want and need in our relationships and spark discussions that can help us better know ourselves
and each other.
I have read many relationship books, some aloud with my girlfriends as we hoped to gain
wisdom, answers and the magic formula for happiness in love. In those pages we found many
insightful words from psychologists who claimed to carry the secrets to loving well. We would
applaud when something so perfectly illustrated one of our situations. Sometimes we’d cry as
we found that our lives were lacking the magic that was depicted or read something that so
completely related to the pain of a recent breakup. We put stock in the fact that these
professionals had the answers. When in reality, it is all of us who hold the answers. They
lie within our own stories of love and loss and the desire to merge our lives with another. In
sharing these stories we can find comfort in knowing that there is no one way to love, no
perfect way to be together and that we all struggle to find balance and joy with a partner.
I invite you to share your experiences and opinions. It is my hope that in participating in
the writing of this book you discover new ways of looking at your closest relationships. As
you answer the questions in The Relationship Basic 3 Survey, I hope that it helps you to define
what it is that you need, what your partner needs and how you can better work together towards
a satisfying life together. If you are seeking a partner, I hope this gives you an opportunity
to reflect on your past relationships and see what you have learned from them as you look
forward to something more satisfying. For all of us, I believe it is a chance to take a closer
look at who we are and what we need to feel fulfilled as a couple.
In my research I have received many responses that have been candid, inspiring and
thought-provoking. Already I see myths dispelled as men reveal emotional needs and women
express intellectual dissatisfaction. There are couples who are experiencing a Basic 3
connection and have shared their wonderful stories. The common thread seems to be that
communication, honesty and the commitment on both parts to make it work are universally
important. In this book I hope we see ourselves in the stories of others and how we all relate
in the elusive quest for Great Love.
You can participate in The Relationship Basic 3 Survey by visiting: relationshipbasic3.com
All responses will remain confidential.