By Sibyl McLendon
Let's face it, change in your life is inevitable; sometimes it is easy, sometimes it is not. Some of it is gentle, and some of up is an upheaval that leaves you dazed and confused. If you have been hurt by someone or something, how you deal with it and react to it determines how long you will be in pain from it.
So here are my 10 best suggestions:
1. Remember that change is growth. If we never experienced change, even painful change, we would be stuck in the same place forever.
2. If you are not in control of the change, fighting against it is just going to hurt more. If you have lost a job, or a friend, for instance, and there is nothing that you can do about it, hanging on is just going to make the pain last longer than necessary.
3. Forgive yourself. Many times we spend a lot of time beating ourselves up over mistakes that we have made, or even just perceived that we made, and it isn't going to help. Examine your part in what happened and forgive yourself.
4. Be gentle with yourself for awhile. You have been hurt. Give yourself a break. Do something nice for yourself. Just don't make this stage last too long, or you are in danger of becoming depressed.
5. Forgive the other person. If you have been hurt or betrayed by someone, then you are going to have to forgive them in order to move on. This does not mean that you have to forget what they did, or that you have to contact them about it. Forgiving is for you, not for them. It cuts the ties and allows you to move on.
6. Write down how you feel and burn the paper. It helps tremendously to get all of the anger and hurt out so you can release them. One of the best ways to do this is to write down exactly how you feel, and then burn the paper. Be just as nasty as you feel, no one is going to see it but you anyway.
7. Don't mope around. You need to get up and out and look for something new. You might not feel ready to make a new friend, or for a new relationship, but at least don't sit around the house too long feeling sorry for yourself.
8. Get support from others. Allow friends or family members to be supportive of you. Ask for help. Allowing others to be nice to you and tell you that you are still a fine person helps.
9. Realize that you are in control of this process. It is very true that this pain is going to last just as long as you decide that it will. If you are constantly "picking" at it, then it is going to take a lot longer to heal. You Mom was right about that!
10. Never, ever give up. Even if you have been let down time and time again by people you thought were your friends, keep trying. Keep making new friends! It may be that you need some help with your self esteem, and that is affecting your judgment when it comes to the people that you are choosing as friends. If this is the case, the get help for this. But never allow anyone to make you feel bitter or to make you isolate yourself. If you do that, you have allowed this to take away your personal power. Only you can get it back!