By Amanda Jason
The Month of Love
With Valentine’s Day ahead, February is often considered the month to celebrate loving relationships. Why is Valentine’s Day so important to so many of us? Because relationships are so important to us. Relationships make us feel special. They make us feel whole. Not just spousal relationships, any healthy relationships between two people. We value relationships with parents, siblings, children, friends, and lovers. We value them not only because they make us feel good, but because they can be difficult to maintain and easy to lose.
How do we bring these beautiful connections into our life? As anything we desire, it begins with self. You must always begin with an evaluation of yourself. What are the things you like about yourself? These are the things a loving person must appreciate about you. Can you give and receive love? Journal about this and all of the reasons you deserve and can appreciate love. Next, take an inventory of the relationships in your life presently. You have acquaintances and deeper relationships in your personal and professional life, and out in society. Your personal life includes your partner, friends and family, while your professional life includes bosses, coworkers, and clients. Your community life includes everyone else like doctors, therapists, the person at the convenient store, and the bank. These people may offer you comfort (sometimes pets even can provide this for us), clarification (remember your accountants and lawyers), confrontation (refers to the person whose opinion you respect and trust who can be “in front” or honest with you.), acknowledgement, and even energy. List all of these relationships and a paragraph describing each.
You may find that you want more energy giving relationships, or another comforting relationship. If you are looking for a type of relationship, you must be honest with yourself about what kind of love, affection or friendship you are able to give and receive. This will help you to determine what to look for in a relationship. Once you’re ready to accept a new relationship into your life, journal about what the relationship will look like. Be as specific as possible.
For a significant other, you want to be even more specific and may consider some of the following questions:
· What is his age range? · What is his height, weight? · What is his hair, eye color? · What is his body type? · What is his communication style? · What is his fashion style? · What is his relationship to his career? · What field does he work in? · What is his work schedule? · What is his income range? · How does he define success? · In what type of religion (if any) does he believe? · What is his relationship to immediate and extended family? Frequency of visits? Contacts? · Children wanted? How many? · Parenting style?
· How is his ability to balance areas of life? · What is fun for him? · What type of music does he prefer? · How is his overall state of health? · What is his relationship to food? Health food? Junk foods? · What is his history and current status of smoking? Drinking? Drugs? · Any addictions? Overeating? Chocolate? Marathons?
· What is his emotional availability on scale of 1 – 10 with 10 = very available? · How does he manage conflict? · What is his attitude toward the home? · Does he participate in household maintenance? · What are his cleanliness and neatness guidelines? · Approach to doing projects? (I.e., clean up as you go or later?)
· What are his relationships to animals? · What is his relationship to money? · What are his attitudes and beliefs about relationships? · Degree of friendship within the relationship? · Communication in the relationship? · Romance? Expressions? Cards/flowers? Champagne? Trips? Jewelry? · How is affection expressed? · Attitudes towards sex? · Balance of control?
You may want to consider even more specifics (there are many more), remember you are envisioning your perfect significant other and the more detailed you can be, the more likely you are to bring this person into your life. I have had some clients write a small synopsis of their perfect mate on a business card to keep with them, to confirm that they could have this perfect person.
Look at your journaling or business card every day, imagining that you are bringing this person into your life. This technique will work for bringing other types of relationships into your life, or even other items such as money or material items. You need to write specifically about what you desire in your life, remind yourself of it each day, and believe you can have it in your life.
Once you have the relationship you desire, you may want to develop techniques to create a beautiful relationship and to keep that healthy love consistent.