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Top Ten Ways to Avoid Arguing With Your Wife

by Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC

Men argue with their wives for many reasons, but the most prominent one is that there's a shortage of self-esteem buried underneath all of this arguing. Since life is short, wouldn't men be better off to follow a few simple rules and enjoy their time with their wives?

1. Be concerned with being kind more than being right.

If you're kind to your wife and treat her very well, you'll experience fewer arguments.

2. Develop the fine art of keeping your mouth closed.

There will be many occasions when you'll want to respond to a comment your wife has made that will be the invitation to an argument. Take a hard swallow and notice that no argument occurs.

3. Talk with your wife about making the effort to avoid arguments.

Have a specific plan in place that you both agree on when it gets tense. If you both know the other is committed to improving, it's easier to stay committed.

4. Raise your own standards.

What kind of person do you really want to be? In view of how useless arguing is, wouldn't you rather hold yourself to a high standard and spend time doing something else?

5. Just walk away from the argument.

Walking away allows you some time to gather your thoughts and to cool down. When your perspective is better you can continue the discussion from a more objective place.

6. Date your wife regularly

A lot of arguments result from things that haven't been fully explored. It's crucial to have a way to stay up to date and to create some kind of ritual that has the two of you talking regularly. Show her it's important and she'll feel important and argue less.

7. Bend the truth now and again.

If it's between being honest and being kind with your wife, be kind every time. You can tell her the dinner is awful when she asks, but you increase the chances of conflict. Smile and tell her it's delicious.

8. Compliment your wife twice a day.

One of the major reasons for arguments between couples is that people don't feel acknowledged. Acknowledge your wife regularly and she'll feel appreciated. Appreciated people are less likely to argue.

9. Know Your Triggers Around Arguing

Familiarize yourself with what comments and situations trigger your anger and argumentative behavior. What are these about? Learn how you can avoid getting trapped by them in the future.

10. Make yourself accountable for your arguments.

Have other family members hold you accountable for your behavior. Tell them your working on improving and would they please remind you if you're starting to argue again. This puts some teeth behind your commitment.

See Also:

Why Aren't We Happy In Our Marriage Relationships?
We somehow expect our partner to "know" what we are thinking and feeling and then react and do the things "we think they should be doing" at each and every situation and circumstance.

What Is Love?
I was never needed to prove my undying love through a glorious act of self-sacrifice. It was something I was required to do in little ways, through one small act of kindness at a time. And that, I've learned, is love.

Anger and Relationships
Conflict in relationships is normal; what separates successful couples form others is skills in handling disputes. These skills include interacting differently, improving communication, taking appropriate actions, etc.

Surviving the First Year of Marriage - Creating a Successful Foundation
A successful Marriage as anything else in this world, begins with a good foundation. You are responsible for creating that foundation. I know it seems like it might be a bit of work and it can also be a lot of FUN.

The 50/50 Relationship: Does it Exist?
Many couples play the blame game when what they really need to do is compromise.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is a relationship coach for men and the author of "Fix Your Wife in 30 Days or Less (And Improve Yourself at the Same Time) www.markbrandenburg.com/saveyourmarriage.htm. Get his  newsletter at www.markbrandenburg.com.

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