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Understanding Your Husband

Demands of a Husband

[1] Husband is not a mind reader.

[2] Learn to operate the toilet seat.
If it is up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
I don't complain about you leaving it down.

[3] Sunday sports. It is there for Men and I am your Man.

[4] Crying is blackmail. Accept it.

[5] Ask for what you want.
Let me clarify:
Your Subtle hints do not work!
Your Strong hints do not work!
Your Obvious hints do not work!
You should know or understand don't work.
Just say it plain, loud and clear.

[6] Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Your damn lecture is not.

[7] Come to me with a problem if you really want help solving it.
Seek Sympathy from your girlfriend.

[8] Your headache that lasts for several months is my serious xxx problem.
See a doctor.

[9] What I said a few months ago is an inadmissible argument.
My statements are not valid life time. They expire in a week.
If I made any statement to marry you, they are null and void now.

[10] If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask me, your thinking counts in all other matters!

[11] If something I said has two meanings don't pick up the one having bad effect on you. 
Pick the positive one even if I did not mean it.

[12]. Either ask me to do the thing or tell me how you want it done. Both ways do not work.
If you already know the best way of doing it, just do it yourself.

[13] Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

[14] I do not need your directions while driving. If you don't like it take your seat in 

[15] Don't argue with me about vegetables, fruits and spices. I can't differentiate between 
'guava' and 'mauve' or 'cucumber' and 'zuchini' or 'orange' and 'grapefruit'.

[16] If I ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," I will accept it as "nothing".
Don't expect me to get to the bottom of it and find the truth from you.

[17] If you ask a question and you expect that I should not answer it and then better don't 
ask. Because I may give an answer you don't want to hear.

[18] When you and I have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

[19] You always look beautiful! Don't expect me to say that.

[20] Don't ask me what I'm thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss games, 
science, investments and other women.

[21] Returning from vacation, don't wake me on airplanes saying your snoring embarrasses me. 
For God's sake I am resting from being with you so long.

[22] You have too many shoes. Why my only pair takes too much space.

[23] Don't criticize my weight when I request food being hungry.

[24] I am in a great shape. Round.

So husbands of world unite together and make demands even if you have to sleep on couch.

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