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Amazing and Humorous

[1] What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 
45 lb.

[2] What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband 
45 minutes 

[3] What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? 
Sexual harassment 

[4] What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? 
$4.99 a minute 

[5] How can you tell if your wife is dead? 
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. 

[6] How can you tell if your husband is dead? 
The sex is the same, but you get the remote control. 

[7] What's the fastest way to a man's heart? 
Through his chest with a sharp knife. 

[8] What have women and floor tiles got in common? 
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life. 

[9] Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? 
Because those men already have boyfriends. 

[10] How do men sort their laundry?
'Filth and 'Filthy but wearable'. 

[11] What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? 
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. 

[12] What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? 
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. 

[13] What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever. 

[14] What is the difference between a battery and a man? 
A battery has a positive side. 

[15] Do you know why they call it the Wonder bra? 
When you take it off, you wonder where they went. 

[16] Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
2 mother in laws. (MIL's)

[17] How many men does it take to open a beer? 
None, it should be opened by the time she brings it. 

[18] Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? 
Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. 

[19] Why do women have smaller feet than men? 
It allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. 

[20] How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't, there's a clock on the oven. 

[21] If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front
door, whom do you let in first? 
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. 

[22] What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman that won't do as she's told. 

[23] What do you call a man who's lost 95% of his intelligence? 

[24] What food scientists have found that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%? 
It's called a wedding cake.

[25] How many men does it take to change a light bulb? 
None, they just sit in the dark and complain.

Contributed By: Dinesh Vora

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